Earlier I blogged about a writing task inspired by a visit to the post office. Last week I used it, and it went well. The kids had fun writing about programs like Monk, House and NCIS, among others.

But as I read their short paragraphs , I couldn’t help noticing how wordy they were. I did a followup lesson on writing concisely that worked about as well as anything I’ve ever tried with that skill.

I pulled one student’s paragraph at random and put it on the screen at the front of the room:

South Park is about four third graders Stan, Kyle Kenny and Cartman. They live in Colorado where it is always snowing. South Park is the town they live in where almost anything can happen. Funny things are happening all the time. Some of the material isn’t appropriate for children though due to the cursing.

First we talked about mechanical issues like commas. Then we started talking about concise writing. I kept asking, “How can we express the same ideas with fewer words?” By the time we had reduced the first 4 sentences to one, they had the idea.

Then I asked them to let a partner look at their writing and make suggestions first. Finally, students revised their writing and handed in both versions. Their grade will be based on the improvement between the first and second versions.

Because the writing was so short to begin with, students could practice the skill without getting tired of it. They were improving a piece of writing they had enjoyed working on, so they enjoyed revising, too.

I’ll soon see if the skill transfers — book reports are coming up!