Larry the Cable Guy's Guide to Technology

• LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
• LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
• MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
• DOWNLOAD: Gettin the fahrwood off the truck.
• MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the fahrwood.
• FLOPPY DISK: Whatcha git from tryin' to carry too much fahrwood.
• RAM: That thar thing whut splits the fahrwood.
• HARD DRIVE: Gittin' home in the winter time.
• PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
• WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside.
• SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's black fly season.
• BYTE: Whut them dang black flies do.
• CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
• MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
• MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
• DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
• LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
• KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.
• SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knives.
• MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
• MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
• PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
• ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in, y'all!"
• RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
• MOUSE PAD: Hhippie talk fer the rat hole.